BERTRAND — When Jeromy and Alecia Jordan’s daughter Ashton, now 7, was 2, the parents decided they didn’t want her to grow up to be an only child.
But, even after undergoing fertility treatments, the Jordans still weren’t able to have a second biological child.
Alecia Jordan, a teacher at Matthews Elementary, had a foster child in her classroom that year. “Through talking to his foster mother, I learned about the process (for a state adoption,)” she said.
She and her husband then chose to adopt. And they now have a son, Kyler, 2. Brenda Miller, adoption specialist for the 33rd judicial circuit, is trying to get the word out about state adoptions, especially this month, which is National Adoption Month.
“We want to make sure everyone knows that the family division is seeking families who are open to parenting children of various ages and cultures,” Miller said. “We have a particular need for families considering children of minority heritage, older youth and sibling groups.”
There are nearly 2,000 Missouri children currently waiting to be adopted. On average, about 1,300 are adopted annually, Miller said.
Most families interested in adoption are looking for younger children, although some “specifically ask for them older,” Miller said.
“When I first called the lady said ‘If you think you’re going to get a baby, you might as well hang up, because it’s not going to happen,’” recalled Jordan. She and her husband actually requested a 3 to 5 year old child, because they didn’t want a baby and wanted the child to be closer in age to Ashton. So she was surprised when they got a phone call about Kyler, then only five months old.
Miller said her office sees all types of families that want to adopt — those like the Jordans, some without children and some with grown children. “They’re basically families who want to open their homes and hearts to children.”
She noted that in these state adoptions, the children have often been abused and neglected and cannot safely return home.
“Adoption can help them find their forever home,” she said.
Jordan recalled that when Kyler was placed in their home when he was just five months old, he had never been in any sleep patterns.
“Literally for two months, we never slept,” she said. “It took awhile to get him into a routine.”
When an adoption goes through the state, there is a period where the parents merely have legal guardianship of the child. “The child has to be in the home for a certain amount of time,” Miller said.
The state also has to exhaust all other options to keep the child with family members.
Jordan said that for a short time, Kyler was removed from their home. “It was hard — we couldn’t go through it again,” she recalled. “We actually told them not to call us again.”
That’s why they were hesitant about taking Kyler back when case workers called, but the Jordans eventually said OK.
When the adoption was made final, Jordan had access to Kyler’s file, and she made as many notes as she could about where he was from and other information to answer any questions he may have once he’s older. She’s also made a life book for Kyler.
“Our plans are to always be open with him,” she said. “Although I think he needs to be old enough to understand the situation.”
And although he was adopted, Kyler shares several characteristics with his family.
“Everybody says he looks like me,” said Jordan, who has dark hair and eyes. Her daughter looks like Jeromy Jordan, with blonde hair and blue eyes. “Kyler has the same hair color as my daughter, but has my color of eyes.”
Although the adoption process can be long and painful, it’s still worth it in the end, said Jordan. “If you do it through the foster program like we did, it can be very discouraging, especially if they are removed,” she said. Her advice: “Don’t give up.”
Adoption checklist
SIKESTON — Those who are eligible to adopt through the state “must be healthy individuals age 21 or older who will open their hearts and homes to children that are eligible for adoption,” said Brenda Miller, adoption specialist for the 33rd Judicial Circuit, which includes Scott and Mississippi counties.
There is first a short telephone interview to provide and gather information for an initial screening, Miller said. Those interested are also invited to attend an orientation session.
That’s followed by a home study process.
Information is gathered about the prospective adoptive parents. “There is a necessary background check to determine that there has not been any criminal history, child abuse and neglect history,” Miller said. Family and financial histories are also evaluated; and the prospective parents must complete a medical examination.
Once all that is OK, those interested complete a 27-hour competency-based pre-service training program.
“It’s offered in the evenings during the week and weekends,” said Miller. “We try to fit it so anyone who is interested in adopting, we have a time where they can attend the trainings.”
During the trainings, staff from the Missouri Division of Family Services work with the family to complete the home study and assessment, she continued. They also complete personal and employment references.
Once those classes are complete, the family waits on a call that a child meeting their specifications needs a home.
But the adoption isn’t final there. There is first a period where the parents only have legal guardianship of the child. During that time, there is a possibility the child may be taken from their home, as the state has to make all attempts possible to place the child with a family member.
The actual time it takes for an adoption to be final varies, Miller said. When the process is over and a child is legally adopted, excitement is the most noticeable thing among the parents and children, Miller said.
“They’re probably relieved that the process is over — sometimes it can get pretty drawn out,” she said. “But it’s worth the wait — it gives stability and security.”
For those who may be interested, informational meetings are held at the division office, located at 106 Arthur Drive in Sikeston, for those interested in learning more about the state adoption process.
For more, call Miller or Sheila Nelson, family development specialist, at 472-5222.
