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Here is a list of actual quotes from grade school essays on classical music.
• "J.S. Bach died from 1750 to the present"
• "Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music."
• "Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing."
• "Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large."
• "Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this."
• "Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of."
• "An opera is a song of bigly size."
• "A harp is a nude piano."
• "Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead."
• "A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals."
• "Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel."
• "I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say."
• "Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago."
• "My favorite composer is opus."
• "Probably the most marvelous fugue was between the Hatfields and the McCoys."
• "My very best liked piece is the bronze lullaby."